Ruth Kadiri to Young Couples: Keep Your Wedding Small — ‘Pick 30 People, Go to Court, Stop Putting Yourself Under Pressure’
Nollywood actress and producer Ruth Kadiri has set social media buzzing with a blunt message to young couples planning their weddings: keep it small, keep it private, and stop putting yourselves under pressure you cannot afford.
In a video clip that has been widely shared online, the actress advised couples to forget the big, expensive ceremonies that dominate Nigerian wedding culture and choose a simple celebration instead. Her prescription was strikingly specific: a small traditional rite at home, a court wedding with about 30 guests, a prayer from a pastor, and then go home and rest.
“I would like to advice young people who will like to do wedding, pick few people from both families, seat in the parlour and pay bride price,” Kadiri said in the clip. “You want white wedding, pick 30 people around you, go to court, from court, call pastor to pray for both of you, enter your house drink wine and sleep. Stop putting yourself under too much pressure.”
The message has struck a nerve. In a country where weddings are often treated as public performances, with hundreds of guests, multiple outfit changes, live bands and elaborate decorations, Kadiri’s call for restraint has been shared, debated and praised in equal measure, with many young Nigerians saying she said what they have been thinking for years.
Why she believes small works
Kadiri did not present her advice as theory. She tied it directly to her own experience, suggesting that the quiet way she handled her own marriage is part of the reason it has worked.
“I never had that kind of marriage and I think that’s why I’m successful marital,” she said in the clip, referring to the big, public wedding she chose not to have.
That personal history is well documented. Speaking on the Dear Ife podcast, Kadiri explained that she had a deep fear of marriage before her wedding, a fear of the unknown that left her uncertain about whether settling down would work out. “I had a phobia of marriage. I was battling with the fear of the unknown and asking myself, ‘Am I going to make this decision and everything will now scatter,'” she said.
Those concerns shaped the way she and her husband, Mr Ezerika, approached their wedding. Rather than hold a highly publicised ceremony, they agreed to limit the guest list to just 50 people, 25 from each side of the family. Kadiri said she did not want a lot of drama around her relationship, and her husband supported her preference for privacy.
“I didn’t want a lot of drama regarding my relationship. That’s why my husband and I invited only 50 people to our wedding,” she explained on the podcast.
The couple married in a private ceremony in November 2018 and have since welcomed two daughters, born in August 2019 and July 2022. While Kadiri is a prominent figure in Nollywood, she has generally kept her marriage and family life away from the public spotlight, a choice that now forms the backbone of her advice to others.
The spiritual warning that got people talking
Beyond the money and the pressure, Kadiri also raised a concern that many Nigerians will recognise from their own family conversations: the spiritual risk, as she sees it, of inviting the wrong people to a private family occasion.
In the viral clip, she suggested that some guests may harbour harmful intentions towards a couple, and she linked that belief to couples who struggle to have children after their wedding. Her words were blunt and unfiltered, delivered in the direct style that has made the clip so shareable.
It is important to be clear about what she was expressing: a personal belief rooted in her faith and worldview, not a medical claim. Infertility has many established medical causes, and couples who struggle to conceive are advised to seek professional medical assessment. Kadiri’s point, as her supporters have interpreted it, was about protecting the intimacy of a marriage from people who may not wish the couple well, rather than a diagnosis of anyone’s situation.
Still, the spiritual angle is part of why the clip has travelled so far. In Nigerian culture, weddings are not only social events but spiritual ones, and conversations about who should and should not be invited often carry weight far beyond the guest list. Kadiri’s comments tapped directly into that conversation.
The pressure young couples face
Kadiri’s advice also touched on a second pressure that many young Nigerians know intimately: the financial expectations placed on them by their families, particularly the expectation to provide money for parents and relatives.
In her comments, she spoke about the burden young people carry when families expect them to fund not only their own lives but the lives of those around them. For many couples, a wedding becomes the moment when all of those expectations collide: the family wants a big celebration, the couple wants a fresh start, and the bill for both lands on the same young shoulders.
The costs add up quickly. A Nigerian wedding can involve expenses for the traditional ceremony, the white wedding, the reception venue, clothing for the couple and their families, food and drinks for hundreds of guests, photography and videography, decoration, music and more. For couples who are still building their careers, the bill can run into millions of naira, and many start married life in debt because of a single day.
Kadiri’s argument is that none of that spending is required for a marriage to succeed. A small gathering of close friends and family, she suggested, can be enough for couples who want to have a civil wedding, receive prayers from a pastor and celebrate privately afterwards. The happiness of a marriage, in her view, is not measured by the size of the wedding.
Why the timing has everyone talking
The clip began circulating on Friday, October 24, the same day that singer Zlatan Ibile and his partner Davita Lamai held their traditional wedding in Lagos, an event that dominated Nigerian social media all weekend. Videos of the couple in Edo-inspired traditional attire, the star-studded guest list and Davido’s arrival in a white Rolls-Royce were among the most shared posts of the day.
That timing has led some social media users to wonder whether Kadiri’s message was aimed at Zlatan’s wedding or at the culture of big celebrity weddings in general. It is important to state clearly that Kadiri did not mention Zlatan Ibile, Davita, or any other couple by name in the clip. The connection is one that viewers have drawn themselves because of the timing, not something the actress said.
Other celebrity marriage conversations have also been in the air. Nollywood actress Peggy Ovire has recently been at the centre of online discussions about her own marriage, adding to a weekend in which celebrity relationships were already a major talking point. Kadiri’s clip landed in the middle of that conversation, and it has been read by many as a counterpoint to the spectacle: a reminder that a wedding does not have to be a show.
Whether or not Kadiri intended any of those connections, the effect is the same. Her message has become part of a wider debate about how Nigerians celebrate marriage, and whether the culture of ever-bigger weddings is helping couples or hurting them.
A debate that goes beyond one video
The reaction to Kadiri’s comments shows how divided opinion is on this subject. Many young Nigerians have welcomed her advice, saying the pressure to stage an impressive wedding is one of the biggest financial burdens they face, and that families often care more about the ceremony than the marriage that follows it.
Others have pushed back, arguing that weddings are a once-in-a-lifetime celebration, a chance to honour family, culture and community, and that couples who can afford a big day should be free to enjoy it. For them, the size of a wedding is a personal choice, not a mistake.
Both sides have a point, and Kadiri herself did not say big weddings are wrong. Her message was aimed at young people who feel forced into celebrations they cannot afford, and her advice was simple: choose what suits your circumstances, not what impresses the crowd.
That distinction is worth holding on to. A wedding is a celebration of a marriage, not a competition, and the couples who remember that are the ones most likely to start their life together on solid ground, whether they invite 30 guests or 3,000.
Ruth Kadiri, the voice behind the message
Ruth Kadiri is one of Nollywood’s most prolific actresses and producers, with a career spanning more than a decade and a filmography that includes dozens of popular titles. As the founder of Ruth Kadiri Films, she has built a production outfit known for its emotional dramas, and her films regularly rank among the most watched Nigerian titles on streaming platforms and YouTube.
Her influence extends beyond the screen. With a large social media following and a reputation for speaking her mind, Kadiri’s opinions on relationships, family and the industry often travel far beyond her own fan base. When she talks about marriage, people listen, because she is speaking from a life she has deliberately kept private and, by her own account, protected.
That is ultimately why this clip has resonated. It is not a lecture from a stranger, but advice from a woman who made the same choice she is recommending, and who believes it is one of the reasons her marriage has thrived. Whether young couples follow her advice or not, she has given them permission to consider a smaller, quieter start, and for many, that permission is exactly what they needed to hear.
Source: Lofty Media Pulse, Ghana Guardian, Punch, The Nation